Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Be still, my beating vagina.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
