are you still at the devil's house?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
