my mouth tastes like poor choices
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
