I think I died a long time ago.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
