the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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