dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
