PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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