shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
