ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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