things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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