That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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