I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
