so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
