Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
