Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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