So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize