I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize