yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
