I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
