just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
