You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
