i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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