I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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