Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
it was like eating out sand paper
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
