how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
