Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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