Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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