I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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