They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
