hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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