She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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