Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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