We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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