Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
my liver is dry heaving
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
