I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
