my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Couch. On fire.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
