I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
