I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it's like iHOP with fire
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
