whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
