Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
