Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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