...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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