I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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