Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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