Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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