I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Boobs are out for the taking
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
