smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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