I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
