So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
