Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
