If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize