she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize