Can Purell be used as lube?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
