You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
