I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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