Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize