like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
