I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
tell me about the eggs
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
