When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
