Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just found a bag of teeth...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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