"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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