Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
