Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
