Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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