im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
