I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
