i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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