Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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