he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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