Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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