She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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