I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize