I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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