i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
