How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
